When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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