it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
