i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
