I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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