Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You can't motorboat a personality
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
