Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
