you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
