I hate your face
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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