using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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