He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize