I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
