She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
