I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
