I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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