32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
