Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
