we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
dude. I can hear the air.
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