Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
All the doctor said was why
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
