you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
