The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
