i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize