All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
