Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
