am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
