did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER†and I went ham on tinder.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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