Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
