I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
