They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
