suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
