i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
