Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
