3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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