Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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