Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
