Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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