I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
