Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
