we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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