How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
