epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
