Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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