Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
