kristin has been a bad kristin
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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