trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
