What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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