someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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