Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
