pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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