i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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