Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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