WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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