I haven't been this sober since birth.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
