My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's the barista slut.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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