If that was your dad, he is hot
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
