she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
