i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
