i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
