What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
