my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
