I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
