I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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