paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i've created a new STD.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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