we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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